You know you’ve been travelling in Belize for too long when:

-you count your experiences in bug bites, not in days

-you know that there’s “no working during drinking hours” and that Belikin is “the only beer worth drinking”

-you start to wonder if you’ll ever get tired of rice and beans. Naaaah!

-Marie Sharp is rapidly becoming the most important female figure in your life

To the point you get freakily fanboyish about her.

-you see a Mennonite lady and you think she should cheer up (but you realise she won’t read this)

-you know the running order of Bob Marley’s Greatest Hits album by heart

-you’re not falling from your chair when you hear a dinosaur’s roar

You know it’s probably just a howler monkey.

-you don’t need earplugs anymore when the jungle wants to buzz you to sleep

-insect repellent and anti-itch creams are the most important items in your toilet bag

-you haven’t lived a day when you haven’t had any fry jacks

My kingdom for a fry jack.

-you’re no longer afraid of the hurricane season

-you’re deadly afraid of the kissing bug

-spotting a snake isn’t an event anymore

You even know this is a (non-venomous) tropical rat snake.

-there’s no such thing as too much tamarind juice

-Fanta Pineapple – where have you been all my life?

-you feel like you’re in The Simpsons every time you take a bus

Or any American highschool movie

-there’s no birth and death, there’s only sunrise and sunset

-it doesn’t bother you when there’s a tarantula hanging over your head during dinner

-Maya temples are the new churches

They’re fuckin’ everywhere.

-you read the word ‘murder’ in the newspaper without batting an eye

-you know that it’s a bad idea to touch a poison wood tree

-iguanas are as normal a sight as cows or goats

They’re actually nicknamed ‘bamboo chickens’.

-you’re more used to sitting in the back of pick-up trucks than in car seats

-you’ve accumulated a truckload of black plastic bags

-it doesn’t surprise you to see a car without wheels, or one that’s completely overgrown by jungle

-you’d rather drop dead than to flush toilet paper

-you’ve given up on YouTube

-no matter how bad things get, there’s always lemon pie and ice cream from Western Dairies

-the thought of going into Belize City makes you shudder

-you know what ‘dis da fi wi’ means

I’ll save you the Google session.

-you exclusively drink water from plastic bags

-you no longer wonder what those moving pieces of leaf are

Leafcutter ants, obviously

-it doesn’t surprise you to see adults cycling on pink children bicycles

-you wonder if there’s such a thing as too many waterfalls

The answer is: no way, José

Attention, attention: we’ve crossed the border and we are now in Guatemala. But more on Belize is sure to come – just keep an eye on this page.